oh, hey there!

some things have been going on. like, umm.. I had a baby GIRL.

 

and I've been battling a serious monster named Post Partum Depression.

 

baby girl Ella will be 3 months old on the 13th. which means I haven't communicated with blog land in a really long time. but you know what I love about blog land? it doesn't care. it accepts me back into it's loving arms no matter how long my absence.

 

other things have happened.

 

like, my little Parker started preschool! he is doing fantastic. he has been attending for an entire month now, and he is really starting to open up. his teacher told me yesterday how much more he is talking. he takes after his momma, and likes to get to know people before letting them get to know him. he comes home and sings songs. sometimes I know what he is trying to sing and I help him remember the words (if I remember the words!). other times I have to ask Ms. Karen what new songs they are learning. he really likes the wheels on the bus and the three little pigs (that was a new one for me. I know the story, but I never heard a song for it!). he loves talking about his new friends and will often ask to go to school on the days he doesn't have it.

 

I'm trying to find myself again, and in doing so I have realized how much I have changed in just a short amount of time. life is hard, but good. the hours are long, but the days are short. I'm focusing on not wasting those days, and it is making me happier.

seven weeks

That's almost how long it's been since I last blogged.

The days seem to have been flying by. What have we been up to?

I've been sewing alot lately. Working on brand new ideas for my etsy shop. I'm hoping to relaunch it.. eventually.

Parker is potty trained!  After trying to get him to start using his potty months ago, and failing miserably, we decided to let him decide when he was ready. Well, about 2 months ago, he started bringing me his underwear. We talked to him about how he had to use the potty if he wanted to wear them, and he just started doing it. A month ago he was in his underwear about half the time, the rest of the time.. he asked for diapers. We just went with it, hoping we weren't totally screwing things up. It's been 2 weeks since he has had a diaper on. He does great when we are out. Actually, the few accidents he has had have been at home. He does wear a pull up at night for now.

Big Brother started! We look forward to this every summer. & yes, I know how lame that sounds.

Still poking my finger five times a day to test my blood glucose. I'm used to it now, and it's not as hard to put my meals together anymore. Gestational Diabetes is the biggest reason I'm ready for September. I miss sweets and pasta! I'm not a huge junk food person, but I went to a wedding last month and couldn't have cake. Sad. I have a list of meals/food to have after I have the baby. At the top of that list is lasagna, cake, cheesy chicken and rice. Yum. Oh, I also have a milky way packed in my hospital bag! :)

Ben's new classes start on Wednesday, and I'm a little terrified. I'm hoping I can adjust easily to having two kids instead of one. I don't want to depend on needing Ben's help when he already does so much. He doesn't like to tell me when he needs time to study/do homework, and I just don't want to ask too much of him.

Other than that, it's just the daily activities. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. We're kind of boring right now, because I can't stand to be out in the heat (even when I'm not pregnant), and I can't walk more than 50 feet without getting winded. We're trying to spend as much time together as we can while it's still just the three of us! Even if it's just going to a movie, or playing cars & blocks inside. Baby will be here in a month or less.. crazy!

add it to the list

Life is funny sometimes.

Like how I JUST posted my plan for figuring out what is healthy for my family. I've had those issues stewing in me for months, and just the past couple weeks I finally figured out where to start. I've done countless hours of research. I have recipes, and serving sizes, and menu plans. Well, I got a call from my doctor, the NEXT DAY. I failed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. Cue hysteria.

At first, I was so confused. HOW did I fail it? Yes, I know that we don't always eat great, but I'm not overweight, I don't sit around eating cookies and ice cream. Turns out, I had no idea what Gestational Diabetes means. My doctor told me, (at least in my case) it has nothing to do with my weight, or what I eat (although, controlling your diet helps manage it). I'm also feeling like I have already had so many problems with this pregnancy that this is just another thing to add to the list. It's frustrating. Everyone says that things happen for a reason, or that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I'm losing faith in both of those statements right now.

So, I got about one thousand pages of info, food logs, etc. I got my glucometer, and an appointment with a dietician. I'm close to a week in with monitoring my blood sugar, and logging everything I eat. It's a lot of work, and I'm finding I have even more questions than I had last week. My numbers are great (I think). They're usually a little on the low side, if anything. It's hard to do a lot of research because everyone is different with what they can eat and how it will effect them. I've honestly found that I can eat almost exactly how I was before I started all the monitoring. The biggest change I've had to make is adding more protein. Also, everything I eat is measured so I can log how much of it I'm eating just incase my numbers go crazy. I also don't really have any sweets anymore, except at my night-time snack. Let me tell you, I can't wait for the day when I can have a Milky Way if I want! :)



what is healthy?

This is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl. Sometimes, it's a good thing, other times it's not so good. The biggest problems are that I get ahead of myself and jump into something before fully realizing what it means, and most of the time I get burnt out really quick.

So, last year I dove head first into the Real Food world. We did well for a while. Ben was a little more reluctant. Around the holidays, I started breaking some rules, but it wasn't too bad. Then, I found out I was pregnant, and morning sickness & cravings hit. Almost everything I had been following food wise went out the window after that. It's been bad ever since. The few things I did hold on to, were incorporating more vegetables into my diet (never had a problem with getting enou fruit in), adding variety (I actually like lettuce now!), and no lunch meat.

But you know how once you learn something, you can't "unlearn" it? Yeah, that. It's been eating away at me the past few months. (Hello, mommy guilt!) I know the things I'm allowing myself, and my family, to eat aren't good for us. The problem is, I don't know what exactly healthy is. There is so much info, and so many different opinions out there! Is it following the Real Food plan, is it following the government's recommendations, is it counting calories and measuring portions, is it PALEO? I think there is something out there in the middle of all that which will work for us. I also think the key to it all is changes over time, small goals. NOT going all in from the beginning. It should become a way of life, not just a momentary obsession.

What are my biggest issues with our current way of eating?

Sugar. This topic has taken a lot of research. How much sugar should we be having? When you look at a nutrition label, how do you know if the sugar is added or naturally occurring? It's all very confusing, and i'm still sifting my way through research. But for now, I have this. The American heart association recommends 12g of ADDED SUGAR for children, 24g for women, and 36g for men. If a product doesn't say 'no added sugar', but there is sugar listed on the label, then all or some of that is probably added.

Portions. This is a big one. Our portions are out of control. That's really all there is to it.

Balance. Everyone knows you're supposed to eat well-balanced meals. You hear it everywhere. But if we have chicken parm pasta and carrots for dinner, here is what happens. I would have tons of carrots & pasta, with just a little bit of the chicken. Ben would have tons of pasta & chicken, with a little bit of carrots. Then Parker probably wouldn't touch any of it. Problems all around.

Where am I going to start?

-Slowly weed out our "convenient foods". These are things like granola bars, fruit snacks, store bought pizzas, etc.

-No take out.

-Try new things. We need to expand our fruits and vegetables a little more, plus learn to homemake more things, and start eating fish. So, try one new thing every week or every other week is my goal.

when it rains, it pours

So, I've been away for a while. Not because I didn't have anything to blog about, and not because I was too lazy to blog, but simply because all the stuff I would start blogging about was just.. negative. All of it. I found myself half way through a post several times, and I realized I sounded like nothing more than a whiny teenage girl. I didn't want my blog to become that.

The truth is, a lot of bad things have been happening lately. Or, at least it seems like a lot. Honestly, when I sit and think about it, it's just a couple things that snowballed, and my attitude was bad, and so it made it feel like a lot of stuff. I was living in a constant sea of anger and depression, and I was starting to drown.

We can touch briefly on some of the issues that were keeping me down.

-Dealing with all my emotions of this unplanned pregnancy. I know I said before that I was "happy about it now" but that wasn't the truth. It's just what I was telling everyone in hopes that it would just be true. (will try to write more on this another day)

-Toddler tantrums. Okay, I know everyone deals with the toddler tantrums. I know that we don't have it as bad as some, and we have it worse than others. But with the state of mind I've been in, I haven't been dealing with the toddler issues so well. It was just one of those normal, not fun things that added in with everything else made me feel like I was falling apart. (Absolutely more on this in the future).

-Modified bed rest. This just popped up in the last 2 months, and it has been HARD on me. It sort of correlates with the emotions of the whole unplanned pregnancy thing. But then it adds to it the feeling of being a bad mother because not being able to be active=lots of inside time & TV watching. (Again, more on this another day.)

While I didn't want to bring a bunch of negative junk to my blog, I also didn't feel right about just popping in to post about the happy, pretty things. This blog is supposed to be about my/my family's life. That life is filled with good and bad things. It's so easy to post about the good, and so incredibly terrifying to post about the bad. This post is just my little stepping stone at getting back to the blog. I'm hoping to find the courage to tell you about the bad, and I can't wait to share all the good.

15 weeks

**I know I'm a day late. I had the whole post done but needed to add the picture (even though they aren't the best quality). Yesterday was just one of those days where the toddler took every bit of physical, mental & emotional energy that I had. He was in bed at 7:30, I waas in bed with a book at 7:38.**
How far along? 15 weeks.

Total Weight Gain? 3 lbs.

Maternity Clothes? Yes. I still wear some non maternity clothes, because I can't fill out all of my maternity clothes yet.

Stretch Marks? No new ones!

Sleep? Sleep has been better this week. I actually had a night where I didn't wake up at all! I usually toss and turn and wake up 2+ times depending on the night. Also, Parker has been having random wake-ups in the middle of the night. Not fun.

Best Moment This Week? Going to see the Hunger Games Movie, and seeing the baby on ultrasound.
Miss Anything? Not really. Honestly, most of the time I don't even feel pregnant.
Movement? This week the movement has been very distinct. I started feeling flutters around 10/11 weeks, but it was still the kind where I thought maybe it wasn't the baby. Now I'm getting light thumps daily. I love it!
Food Cravings? Sadly, I've been craving Chef Boyardee & bologna. At least I still get plenty of fruits & veggies in.
Food Aversions? Nothing really anymore.
Gender? We're waiting until the baby is born to find out for sure, but I think it's a boy.
Labor Signs? Nope. I did start getting some braxton hicks a couple weeks ago, which I thought was crazy early. I asked my doctor and she didn't seem concerned, especially because they've been keeping such a close eye on my cervix. Thankfully I only had them a couple days.
Symptoms? My boobs are still a little sore, and still leaking. Carpal tunnel started a couple weeks ago as well (VERY early this time!). MAJOR migraines, although I'm attributing some of it to the food I've been eating. Still getting sick on occasion, but the all day nausea has been gone for a good week or two.
Belly Button, In or Out? Still in. Although, it is close to being flat.
Wedding Rings, On or Off? On. I managed to wear my rings until 35 weeks last time.
Looking Forward To? I want to feel more movement, sometimes it's the only thing that reminds me that the baby is in there. I'm also really looking forward to Easter!

Here is the 15 week belly (no face included because I looked awful yesterday)

& for fun, this is last week's picture. This pretty much sums up what Parker thinks about all this baby stuff.

life. death. things.

We've had plenty going on. Just nothing really that fun. Can I make you a list?

1. Our dog, Abby, messed up her back and we thought she was paralyzed. We took her outside to play about 2 weeks ago and her back legs just weren't working. She didn't seem to be in pain, but she was just dragging her legs around. We've had 6 vet visits so far (4 last week, 2 this week) and we have 2 more next week. She has to keep going in to get a laser treatment on her back to help with the swelling. She is getting better, but it has been a slow and hard process.

2. My Grandma passed away. I don't want to get too into this one, but I'll just say that it was basically expected. The funeral is on Saturday.

Ok, so this doesn't look like a very big list. It's only TWO things. But those things feel like they carry the weight of twenty things. I've just been so overwhelmed with it all. Last week we not only had the 4 vet appointments, we also had a check-up for Parker. Then this week we had the 2 vet appointments and a check up for the little babe in the belly. (That appointment was actually fun!) Everything is looking good and I got to see the little one looking very baby like, and even moving around a ton.

Here, have a picture or two.

I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for my next check up & ultrasound! Then we have the usual at 20 weeks and then the ultrasounds will stop for a while and I'll resume the normal schedule of check ups (as long as everything stays looking how it is now).

I'm not going to make any promises on when I'll be back or how often I'll be posting, because it seems like I haven't been keeping my word. I can tell you that I WILL be back, just not sure how soon! :)