when it rains, it pours

So, I've been away for a while. Not because I didn't have anything to blog about, and not because I was too lazy to blog, but simply because all the stuff I would start blogging about was just.. negative. All of it. I found myself half way through a post several times, and I realized I sounded like nothing more than a whiny teenage girl. I didn't want my blog to become that.

The truth is, a lot of bad things have been happening lately. Or, at least it seems like a lot. Honestly, when I sit and think about it, it's just a couple things that snowballed, and my attitude was bad, and so it made it feel like a lot of stuff. I was living in a constant sea of anger and depression, and I was starting to drown.

We can touch briefly on some of the issues that were keeping me down.

-Dealing with all my emotions of this unplanned pregnancy. I know I said before that I was "happy about it now" but that wasn't the truth. It's just what I was telling everyone in hopes that it would just be true. (will try to write more on this another day)

-Toddler tantrums. Okay, I know everyone deals with the toddler tantrums. I know that we don't have it as bad as some, and we have it worse than others. But with the state of mind I've been in, I haven't been dealing with the toddler issues so well. It was just one of those normal, not fun things that added in with everything else made me feel like I was falling apart. (Absolutely more on this in the future).

-Modified bed rest. This just popped up in the last 2 months, and it has been HARD on me. It sort of correlates with the emotions of the whole unplanned pregnancy thing. But then it adds to it the feeling of being a bad mother because not being able to be active=lots of inside time & TV watching. (Again, more on this another day.)

While I didn't want to bring a bunch of negative junk to my blog, I also didn't feel right about just popping in to post about the happy, pretty things. This blog is supposed to be about my/my family's life. That life is filled with good and bad things. It's so easy to post about the good, and so incredibly terrifying to post about the bad. This post is just my little stepping stone at getting back to the blog. I'm hoping to find the courage to tell you about the bad, and I can't wait to share all the good.

life. death. things.

We've had plenty going on. Just nothing really that fun. Can I make you a list?

1. Our dog, Abby, messed up her back and we thought she was paralyzed. We took her outside to play about 2 weeks ago and her back legs just weren't working. She didn't seem to be in pain, but she was just dragging her legs around. We've had 6 vet visits so far (4 last week, 2 this week) and we have 2 more next week. She has to keep going in to get a laser treatment on her back to help with the swelling. She is getting better, but it has been a slow and hard process.

2. My Grandma passed away. I don't want to get too into this one, but I'll just say that it was basically expected. The funeral is on Saturday.

Ok, so this doesn't look like a very big list. It's only TWO things. But those things feel like they carry the weight of twenty things. I've just been so overwhelmed with it all. Last week we not only had the 4 vet appointments, we also had a check-up for Parker. Then this week we had the 2 vet appointments and a check up for the little babe in the belly. (That appointment was actually fun!) Everything is looking good and I got to see the little one looking very baby like, and even moving around a ton.

Here, have a picture or two.

I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for my next check up & ultrasound! Then we have the usual at 20 weeks and then the ultrasounds will stop for a while and I'll resume the normal schedule of check ups (as long as everything stays looking how it is now).

I'm not going to make any promises on when I'll be back or how often I'll be posting, because it seems like I haven't been keeping my word. I can tell you that I WILL be back, just not sure how soon! :)

hello December.

How is it December?

How is it that I am supposed to be sending out the invitations for Parker's 2nd birthday party, today?!

I'm supposed to be sending them out today, but they aren't finished yet (oops!) so they will hopefully be going out Monday.

Speaking of Parker's birthday party..

All my ideas for it are really coming together! If you remember, I was kind of waffling on the colors of the party. I loved the sprinkles I had, but it just didn't feel right to put the whole party in those colors. So I've incorporated some tan, red, and leaf greens. The dinosaurs are still going to be in the bright colors. I decided to make mini lava cakes, which I am SUPER excited about! I'm also a little nervous, because it will only be my second time making cake from scratch. (No more box cakes for us since we switched to Real Foods, again I promise to post more on this at some point). My first cake ended in almost disaster. The middle didn't cook. I had planned on layering ice cream on top of it, but saved the cake my scooping the middle out and putting the ice cream in there. I still don't know what I did wrong, but I'm hoping since these will be cooked in cupcake pans, that it won't happen again.

Other than the ideas, I basically have nothing done. This just isn't like me. But with everything that has been going on, I haven't had time to do anything! So now I have 6 weeks to get EVERYTHING made and ready. I can do this.. I hope.

three years

Three years ago, we boarded a plane and flew to Vegas. Only a handful of people knew. Three years ago, we got in a limo and went to a chapel. We walked down the isle together, with only two witnesses watching, and vowed to love each other forever and ever and ever.